DMER- When breastfeeding goes haywire

When I started my breastfeeding journey 4.5 years ago I was very excited at the prospect of it. I was going to be giving my baby the best nutrients possible and I wanted to do it for a year minimum. I had done all the research and sure enough all signs pointed to breastfeeding as a first choice for my baby. When my first child was born, she was laid on my chest and I looked into her eyes for the first time. I was so in love! She looked back at me with eyes so trusting and I just knew I would do anything for the sweet little girl I had brought onto this earth. About an hour after she was born while she was still on my chest she started rooting and needed to be fed and so I asked the nurse for some assistance with helping her latch because “hey noobie here, a little help please - I’m clueless” the nurse was very kind and explained different ways to hold my baby and how to get baby to open wide so the latch wouldn’t be painful. My baby latched like a champ and she did a great job! There was no pain and I thought “that was a lot easier than I thought it would be”. What happened next was a complete and utter shock - I’m not really sure how else to explain it. All of a sudden I got this massive rush of emotion just crashing in on me - for all of two minutes I felt so helpless and everything in the world just felt too hard to deal with and I wanted to die. That feeling came and went like a wave in about a two minute period but it was INTENSE! Right after that wave of emotion passed I felt this weird tingling sensation in my breasts that I now know was milk letting down (or in this case colostrum) . My baby continued nursing and everyone in the room went on about their day as if I hadn’t just had this feeling of wanting to die rush over me. The feeling left me with a cold sweat and I was so shocked I didn’t mention it to anybody and just chalked it up to my hormones being crazy from giving birth. I got transferred to my postpartum room and everything seemed to be going well apart from that crazy rush of hormones earlier. Eventually my baby woke up again and I changed her and sat back down to let her nurse again not even remembering that sensation from earlier. My daughter latched on again like a champ and I was so proud of her when all of a sudden that crazy wave of emotion came back and it was hitting me like a freight train again! I felt nauseated and started sweating and I just felt like the world was just so awful. I started to cry - again all in the space of about two minutes…….. and then I felt that tingling sensation again and that terrible wave disappeared. But WHAT IN THE HELL was going on? I was so confused about what was causing this . Again I chalked it up to hormones post pregnancy and just thought it would eventually pass in a few days. As the days started passing sure enough every time I would nurse the same thing would happen - baby would latch, cue the awful wave of emotion which would make me feel suicidal for about two or three minutes and then the tingling sensation of a milk letdown. I was so confused, I had never heard of anything like this happening and it never came up in any of the previous research I did on breastfeeding and so I took to the internet again but this time I would search “ negative feelings with breastfeeding/ breastfeeding makes me feel awful while nursing” and oh boy….. that opened a door to a phrase I had never seen associated with breastfeeding but was a very real thing happening to me - DMER.

DMER or dysphoric milk ejection reflex is a condition that is caused because hormone levels in your body fluctuate in order for your milk to letdown.  So basically when you have a milk letdown your body releases prolactin and oxytocin. Oxytocin suppresses dopamine which is the hormone in your body that has a lot to do with mood/ reward. In normal circumstances the dopamine levels will drop at a regular pace but for some individuals the dopamine levels will drop very quickly which causes those intense emotions to occur. According to the Cleveland clinic only between 5% -9% of lactating women experience this.

I had found out what was happening to me! I was so relieved to know this wasn’t just in my head and I wasn’t crazy! Unfortunately there’s not a lot you can do about it - bummer. I continued to nurse my first baby for the first 6 months of her life and sure enough every time I had a let down I had those horrible feelings beforehand. At 6 months I made the decision to switch to formula and DMER became a distant thought in my mind until my second daughter was born. Once my second daughter was born I was again in my postpartum room and she got hungry and sure enough as soon as she latched that terrible wave of emotion hit me like a ton of bricks however, this time I was ready. I had discovered a neat little trick that DEFINITELY helped although it takes some planning before you sit down to let the baby nurse. I would grab an ice cold glass of water and set it down while I got situated and as soon as my baby would latch I would grab that glass of water and start CHUGGING. I have no clue why but for whatever reason chugging something really cold helped, it didn’t make the feeling go away entirely but I guess it gave my mind something else to concentrate on. That trick got me through my second child nursing and worked like a charm. I kept nursing my second for the first 6 months of her life as well and again made the decision to switch her to formula and truth be told I thought I was done with breastfeeding completely as I wasn’t going to have anymore kids. Until I found out at 7 months postpartum that I was pregnant with my 3rd! I’m now currently about 3.5 months post partum with my third and last baby ( I got my tubes tied the second my doctor would do it!) and again I’m on my third breastfeeding journey with DMER. It never went away the entire time I nursed any of my kids and even now with my third as sure as the sky is blue every time I let him nurse that terrible wave of emotion comes over me and it hits me like a ton of bricks.

If this is happening to you or has happened to you in the past please just know YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There is nothing wrong with you. This is a medical condition that is not talked about enough - even some lactation consultants have no clue that this condition exists and it’s just mind boggling. This is the dark side of breastfeeding that does not receive enough attention because nursing is supposed to be this amazing experience between a mother and her baby and if you say anything otherwise a lot of people will attack you. If you have had this experience in the past please know I understand how you feel and you are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you.

You are doing an amazing job- keep it up.

Sincerely,

The “F” Bomb Mom